The lies that have affected me the most are the ones I picked up by accident—before I was mature enough to recognize them as lies. These are lies such as “If I were good, my Dad wouldn’t have left us.” “Something is wrong with our family; something is wrong with me.” “Love includes abuse and abandonment.” “I must chase the people I love and then earn their love.” “I must subvert my needs and problems so that others won’t be upset or worried about me.”
These are lies that I learned or gleaned while I was younger. My spiritual life has been about learning the truth.
Sometimes we lack the courage to say the things we need to say to stay spiritually fit. When we keep stuff inside us that needs to come out, we hurt ourselves in the short-term, and often, we hurt others in the long run.
Pray for willingness, honesty and openmindedness for yourself and then speak YOUR truth to others…..especially the ones you love. Be careful how you deliver the message, because there’s nothing more hurtfull than a poor delivery. OWN your own stuff, and try to keep in mind that others appreciate your truth but need a thoughtful delivery to receive your message without pain.
Typically, if I’m unhappy with you, it’s because there is something wrong with ME.
God, not time, heals. The TRUTH will set you free…….it did for me.
The lies I hold deep in my soul are a lot like the unsaid truths or the secrets I keep inside. And the truth about those secrets is that sometimes they are secrets I keep even from myself. Some people call this denial. Denial is a lie, maybe an unintentional one, but it is a lie. Sometimes I stay in denial or hang on to lies because I want to believe something that isn’t true. I don’t want to admit that my loved one is abusive or I don’t want to admit that I am sad, angry or resentful. I don’t want to admit that I am afraid. I want to focus on the good stuff, embrace an “attitude of gratitude” and tell myself that the other stuff isn’t that important.
But then I realize at some point that I have been lying to myself and, by extension, to others. I am faced with what I think of as dreaded reality before I can accept that the “truth sets me free.” Truth sets me free from the dodgeball I play with reality. Truth sets me free from trying to cure and control problems that I didn’t cause. Truth sets me free from living in response to the lies I hold in my soul about myself: I’m not good enough; I don’t deserve love; My needs are not important, etc.
When I am coming out of denial, reality is very unpleasant, to say the least. It’s that feeling I have when I’ve been huddled in a swimming pool, feeling colder and colder but not wanting to move because when the water hits the warm part under my arms, I feel even colder. But if I would just get out of the pool and wrap myself in a towel, I’d begin to warm up. Out there in the pool, I’ll just keep getting colder and colder and shrivelier and shrivelier. Coming out of denial is like coming out of that pool. Reality is the water and the unpleasantness of it is the water touching my warm spots. The towel is—of course, and so predictably—the Holy Spirit.
What I really notice about this metaphor right now is that coming out of the pool, out of denial, accepting the truth and the warmth of God require only for me to make a choice. I only have to choose to do something different. It’s that simple. It’s not that easy.
I have been praying for honesty during last 9 months or so. Among my friends it is said that we are only as sick as our secrets. I am finding this saying to be true, but I am finding that living in honesty and truth sounds better than it feels. I am learning that there is a process of changing from a life of denial and dishonesty to a life in reality and truth. And it ain’t always pretty.
I am so glad that I have the community at the Journey to connect with during this process. I am so glad for the prayers of the leaders and unconditional love I receive from friends. I am so grateful for the opportunity to serve at the church so I can get out of my own stuff and refocus on a bigger picture.
The lies that have affected
The lies that have affected me the most are the ones I picked up by accident—before I was mature enough to recognize them as lies. These are lies such as “If I were good, my Dad wouldn’t have left us.” “Something is wrong with our family; something is wrong with me.” “Love includes abuse and abandonment.” “I must chase the people I love and then earn their love.” “I must subvert my needs and problems so that others won’t be upset or worried about me.”
These are lies that I learned or gleaned while I was younger. My spiritual life has been about learning the truth.
T
Things left unsaid....
Remember that a lie of ommission is still a lie!
Sometimes we lack the courage to say the things we need to say to stay spiritually fit. When we keep stuff inside us that needs to come out, we hurt ourselves in the short-term, and often, we hurt others in the long run.
Pray for willingness, honesty and openmindedness for yourself and then speak YOUR truth to others…..especially the ones you love. Be careful how you deliver the message, because there’s nothing more hurtfull than a poor delivery. OWN your own stuff, and try to keep in mind that others appreciate your truth but need a thoughtful delivery to receive your message without pain.
Typically, if I’m unhappy with you, it’s because there is something wrong with ME.
God, not time, heals. The TRUTH will set you free…….it did for me.
PR
Search me
Hey Phil,
great comments… .amazing how true what you said is…
and Amazing how much your picture freaks me out!
David, in the Bible, said SEARCH me in his prayer to God… I think we all need to open ourselves up to God’s poking around - every day.
Thanks for your input.
Jeff Wenke
Secrets and lies
The lies I hold deep in my soul are a lot like the unsaid truths or the secrets I keep inside. And the truth about those secrets is that sometimes they are secrets I keep even from myself. Some people call this denial. Denial is a lie, maybe an unintentional one, but it is a lie. Sometimes I stay in denial or hang on to lies because I want to believe something that isn’t true. I don’t want to admit that my loved one is abusive or I don’t want to admit that I am sad, angry or resentful. I don’t want to admit that I am afraid. I want to focus on the good stuff, embrace an “attitude of gratitude” and tell myself that the other stuff isn’t that important.
But then I realize at some point that I have been lying to myself and, by extension, to others. I am faced with what I think of as dreaded reality before I can accept that the “truth sets me free.” Truth sets me free from the dodgeball I play with reality. Truth sets me free from trying to cure and control problems that I didn’t cause. Truth sets me free from living in response to the lies I hold in my soul about myself: I’m not good enough; I don’t deserve love; My needs are not important, etc.
When I am coming out of denial, reality is very unpleasant, to say the least. It’s that feeling I have when I’ve been huddled in a swimming pool, feeling colder and colder but not wanting to move because when the water hits the warm part under my arms, I feel even colder. But if I would just get out of the pool and wrap myself in a towel, I’d begin to warm up. Out there in the pool, I’ll just keep getting colder and colder and shrivelier and shrivelier. Coming out of denial is like coming out of that pool. Reality is the water and the unpleasantness of it is the water touching my warm spots. The towel is—of course, and so predictably—the Holy Spirit.
What I really notice about this metaphor right now is that coming out of the pool, out of denial, accepting the truth and the warmth of God require only for me to make a choice. I only have to choose to do something different. It’s that simple. It’s not that easy.
I have been praying for honesty during last 9 months or so. Among my friends it is said that we are only as sick as our secrets. I am finding this saying to be true, but I am finding that living in honesty and truth sounds better than it feels. I am learning that there is a process of changing from a life of denial and dishonesty to a life in reality and truth. And it ain’t always pretty.
I am so glad that I have the community at the Journey to connect with during this process. I am so glad for the prayers of the leaders and unconditional love I receive from friends. I am so grateful for the opportunity to serve at the church so I can get out of my own stuff and refocus on a bigger picture.
T
Thank you
Thank you for sharing and your honesty, T. You are blessing to me and all those around you.