Advice about Character

I think Character in kids starts at an early age and continues through to adulthood. Moral and Character building is an ongoing process for all of us. Being a good role model helps the kids to see what they should act like. They are influenced by many factors such as

1. heredity
2. early childhood experience
3. modeling by important adults and older youth
4. peer influence
5. the general physical and social environment
6. the communications media
7. what is taught in the schools and other institutions
8. specific situations and roles that elicit corresponding behavior.

In my own experience I know that good communication is vital to teens learning Morals and Character they see at home and away. Having a two way interaction with teens is vital to their character building skills. I found that my kids call me on the carpet for a comment or action they also don’t accept as good thinking and behavior. They get the best ideas of themselves as they accomplish their own goals, aspirations and difficult situations. Even when they do make mistakes we help them work the problems out so they can accomplish what they set out to do.

The spiritual side of their life has indeed had a good impact on them and will continue to be a good inspiration. What a good social group for all of us to learn in.

Donna~

My mom growing up encouraged me not to lie.

“Don’t lie Joshua. Truth is always better, and it shows integrity.”

[Phone rings]

it’s someone my mom doesn’t wanna talk to

“Answer the phone and tell them I’m not here”

oh. so honesty doesn’t matter.

character = show, don’t tell.

it’s in the little things, i believe.

Parents I think have a big role in developing character as an expample of what they do in their lives. What they say is important but I think what sticks in my mind and my life the most is what they showed (like their work ethics ect). However, I think other adults and peers are also pivotal in devloping character, not just for those whose parents aren’t around but just as much for those who parents were good character examples. Even if there is not direct leadership (like a teacher or youth leader), adults need to be good examples of character to teenagers. If they show them how to live by how they live intead of just complaining or yelling at teenagers it makes so much more of a difference. I have a number of adults who have been huge examples in my life from youth pastors or leaders, my parents friends, teachers ect. And as an adult you learn a lot from knowing that teenagers are looking at what you do as example for how to live. I think character is developed just by being an example to others.

People in general, not just teenagers develop character when they are placed in difficult situations or are streched in some way. One of the things that sticks out in my head of teenagers showing character is the amazing attidude of the high school students a few summers ago when we were serving at a homeless shelter in San Francisco. We had served dinner a couple of nights before (harder than any of us expected) and had just finished making a TON of lunches that morning when the staff at the shelter asked us if we would be willing to stay to serve lunch. We were all tired, sore and hungry. I think the staff was more tired than the students but the students with great attitudes and hearts willingly went back in and served again. They were not told they had to do this but they understood what a difference they could make and did it without complaining.

I also think we learn character from mistakes. Sometimes you have to see with your own eyes, your own experiences what happens when you do something wrong. And by learning from mistakes you can build character by applying those lessons to the next experience. We’re not going to be perfect but if we can change our patterns and actions to reflect what we learn, we show growth and development as individuals.

“The Big Kahuna” with Kevin Spacey has some good conversations about character so I’ll include a quote here (i can’t find the other quote i like at the moment but there are some good ones in this movie!):

” I’m saying you’ve already done plenty of things to regret, you just don’t know what they are. It’s when you discover them, when you see the folly in something you’ve done, and you wish that you had it do over, but you know you can’t, because it’s too late. So you pick that thing up, and carry it with you to remind you that life goes on, the world will spin without you, you really don’t matter in the end. Then you will gain character, because honesty will reach out from inside and tattoo itself across your face.” Phil Cooper